For my entire adult life thus far I have struggled from job to job, never enjoying a single thing about any of them.
3.5 years ago I took a job in an office which felt like my first big leap forward, it was a real grown ups job as opposed to the retail and coffee shop jobs I had worked before. The money was satisfactory although not tremendous and I found having the weekends to do as I pleased most exciting.
After around 6 months however the novelty wore off and I began to think perhaps a “grown ups” job was not what I wanted. We are all conditioned through family friends and TV from an early age to believe that growing up involves: Getting a high paid job, meeting the one, getting married, buying a house and eventually quietly slipping off into the darkness and leaving a nice inheritance to assist our offspring in doing the same thing.
The job was dull and my boss was an insufferable moron for whom I will loose no sleep over should she ever read this. I began to day dream about quitting but never could bring myself to leave, the fear was too debilitating that I thought should I walk out I would never again get a job as high paying or at all. This whole situation struck me as unusual as I was still the same man who once walked out of a job serving no notice simply to go on holiday, no fear came with me just the enjoyment of spending a week by the sea with some very dear friends.
Upon returning I knew I needed money so set about seeking employment and obtained a job the very same day, where had this brave soul gone to and what had it been replaced with?
And so this brings me to the title of this post, does our soul die without nourishment? I believe that it does, I am not a religious man or a spiritualist as such and make no claims to know what a “soul” is but I believe there is something existing within each of us, that is for lack of a better term the essence of our person. I once spoke with a gentleman who claimed to have seen two people die in his lifetime, one he knew and one he did not. He informed me that when somebody dies although you continue to gaze at the body something fundamental changes within, you are not looking at the person any longer. If we are but a bag of bones held together by tendons and muscle then I doubt this would be the case?
Alas I digress, I believe that one must do what they love in order to live a long and healthy life. Over time of working in a job that I detested a little part of me withered away each day, over time this is (I feel) how people become lifeless drones that just endlessly perform their meaningless job to pay for their meaningless mortgage and taxes to live what has become a meaningless existence.
By way of examples I will tell you of when I was once in a relationship with a girl, although as all do it started well (as most do) it ended badly. Overtime she became controlling and paranoid that anytime I saw a friend I would cheat, eventually I all but stopped going out and speaking to anyone but her or my work colleagues. I became depressed, deeply unhappy but afraid to break it off. The same fear that had held me then, was holding me into this job. As soon as I did the deed and did break it off a weight was lifted, I was free to do and speak to who I pleased and the happiness and my vitality returned to me immediately.
I believe that my essence or “soul” hates consumerism, and as much as it is a hypocrite as it loves large televisions and game consoles it DOES hate “the man”. The very theory or working a job seems ludicrous, you work a job doing something usually meaningless to assist in lining the pockets of the already rich. You HAVE to work to get paid, you HAVE to get paid to pay rent, you HAVE to pay rent to live in a house built by some faceless company, you HAVE to live in one of these houses as the government says you cannot live in a tent or build a shack and live where and how you please. The whole system is designed to draw you in and become inescapable so you have no option but to play the game, you have to work and do all of the above and climb the corporate ladder so you eventually become wealthy enough to sit atop the system yourself. If not you will forever cower at the bottom. My question is what if we do not have to?
What if there is some way to escape it, and I doubt there is but there may well be a way to get around some elements of it?
To cut an exceptionally long story short for the time being, I quit that job I hated so much to become a self employed man working in the field of exercise. It is something I have always enjoyed doing (exercising) or learning about so it made sense. And although I am glad to be free of my previous job I am still not happy, because I am still doing the same thing I have done every year since being around 16 years old. I am working to earn money to pay rent because I am informed by the system that it is simply what must be done. I want to LIVE my life not just survive it. I read an interesting quote a few days ago that said simply “do not live the same year 80 times and call it a life”. Well I have done that for 9 years, this next year I aim to live.